The Product of Boredom

I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but having nothing to do is tiring. I kind of miss all the action and stress a usual college semester brings (I swear, I'll take this statement back once the second semester begins).

It's ironic, really. The whole first semester was HECTIC. I was literally pummeled with all my responsibilities in the school paper; tried (and failed) to balance academics and extracurricular activities; received criticisms, censorships and stringent (and often unreasonable) policies from the school administration; maneuvered through the tricky world of college politics; and experienced stress way more than a normal nursing student should. As soon as the first semester ended, I was ready to hit the hay with plans not to wake up until the second semester was halfway through. I was completely burned out.

But right in the middle of sem break (a.k.a. period of laziness and quiet relaxation), I already find myself bored. I think I got too used with being busy and stressed that my body is still adapting with my relaxed and almost stress-free semestral break lifestyle. But the funny thing is I'm too lazy to do things that require me breaking into a sweat, so I just cook, watch TV, surf the net, sleep or read (not in that particular order). But maybe if I get too bored I'd probably do something drastic...like clean my room. Hahaha.

So meanwhile, to pass the time, I decided to do some internet exploring, and hence stumbled into these online quizzes.

Just for the heck of it, I decided to put the results of some of the more interesting quizzes I took .

What mental disorder do you have? Your Result: OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) You have odd obsessions that you cannot seem to control. You may even perform rituals to make you feel better. Counting and continuously obsessing over things happens frequently.
GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
Paranoia
Manic Depressive
ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
What mental disorder do you have?

I actually agree with the result above. I do have a few compulsions. Hehe. At least being obsessive-compulsive is better than being manic depressive.

What's Your Best Quality? Your Result: Intelligence   Your best quality is intelligence! People like you because you are smart and always make the right decision. Your intelligence also helps you handle tough situations.
Personality
Loving
Ambitious
Out-Going
Sense of Humor
What's Your Best Quality? Take More Quizzes

What does this quiz tell us? That I hardly have a sense of humor. Sniff. I am a serious (a bit OC, slightly paranoid, slightly anxious, slightly homicidal [see quiz at bottom]) person.

Your Language Arts Grade: 100%

Way to go! You know not to trust the MS Grammar Check and you know "no" from "know." Now, go forth and spread the good word (or at least, the proper use of apostrophes).

Are You Gooder at Grammar?
Make a Quiz

Cool. I actually got a great grade in the quiz, and English isn't even my first language!

Probability of killing, 37%

So you have problems with enemies, maybe dont have a high enough self-esteem, or play a few violent videogames. Cutting it a little close there. Try to keep your cool, alright?

Are you capable of killing

Maybe if I snapped one of these days, I really could go on a killing spree. Haha. Joking aside, my "killing probability" isn't even 50% so my staff has no worries of me committing mass murder.

Unsolicited Advice

If there is one thing that I hate, it's condescending people. But what I hate even more are condescending people who just have to rub all of your mistakes in your face and make you feel lowly and embarassed.

Now, there is a reason why I do not go to the administration part of our college. I dislike most of the people there. They are nowhere near accomodating and treat most students like earthworms (and ironically, these are the very same students who provide them with their salaries). If you are not a visitor, a parent, or a PACUCOA accreditor, most likely you'll be given condescending looks or ignored completely. Yep, the administration certainly provides its students with quality service.

Another reason why I dislike going to the administration part of the school is because I don't like bumping into Erick, a previous Clarion EIC. Why don't I like bumping into one of my predecessors? I'm uncomfortable around him. His whole aura reeks of fakeness and arrogance.

So, since you already know why I hate going to the admin, I'll tell you why I got so steamed earlier.

I dragged myself to the admin to have the action plan for our tree planting signed (since my managing editors neglected to follow it up). Dr. Villano's secretary, the woman I disliked since last year (yes, I occasionally dropped by the admin during Roh's tenure as EIC to get action plans signed) was there. And since it seemed she was the only one who didn't look too busy, I approached her, intent on just leaving the action plan there and having another Clarionet fetch it later. I didn't want to stay too long in a place I disliked.However, as luck would have it, she recognized who I was.

I usually take criticisms in stride and try to take them positively as tools for improvement. However, the way she commented on the various typos of Clarion's second issue made me want to grab her by her large, overly-curly hair and have her run over by a garbage truck...a million zillion times.

Secretary: Daghan lagi mali ang Clarion.
Me: Lagi ma'am. *smiles sheepishly* Kulang kasi kami sa oras ma'am eh. Medyo minadali yung issue.
Sec: *throws me a condescending look* That's no excuse. Editor-in-chief pud baya ko sa una...
[Like the hell do I care kung EIC siya dati. Haler. She is in no position to compare our situations. She was no nursing student. She probably had more spare time in college than I ever did...]
Me: Yes ma'am. *plasters on a fake smile*
Sec: Dati nga 1 o'clock na ako makauwi...You should know how to sacrifice...
[If she only knew na 12:30 AM na ako nakauwi sa sit-in. What does she know of sacrificing for the paper? Hell, I skipped History 2 twice in a row just to make sure the damn magazine came out before the semester ended. I come home late most of the time because of Clarion-related activities. I am almost always stressed because of paper-related issues. I skip hanging out with my friends just because of the school paper. I barely have free time because of Clarion. In fact, all my classmates and friends would agree that I probably eat, breath and sleep Clarion this entire sem...Who is she to tell me that I don't know how to sacrifice?]
Sec: Marami talagang mali yung issue niyo.
Me: Yes ma'am. Mali po yung spelling nung "foundation" at "phoenix".
Sec: Oo yun, at marami pa. Tapos yung pictures niyo masaydong dark at lampas [sa margin]. At yung boxes, nag-overlap pa sa text...blah blah...
[She was talking about the editorial part of the mag. Geez, like we could actually control the darkness or lightness of our column pics. And the red vertical bar was actually a design. On the overlapping part, yes, one column had that problem though. But overall, she was pointing out the technical aspect which I had no control over. That is the job of the printing press. Sometimes, it cannot be helped that plates are not positioned acurately.]
Sec: I hope this serves as a lesson. Nakakahiya sa school. Alam mo ba na ang nakapansin pa ng mali [sa cover] is hindi pa dito sa school? Visitor pa galing sa Tacurong. Nakakahiya. Ako pa ang napagsabihan...
[And do you actually think I like seeing those mistakes on the magazine? And don't you think I'm embarassed as well? I was the only one who sat-in at the printing press, and I hardly had time to proof read everything because of the extensive layout changes that had to be done. I had to finish the magazine in less than 24 hours; I was tired, stressed and alone so I could not see all the typos during my sit-in...cut me some slack. If I had been in a better condition, I wouldn't let any typos get pass me... And geez, if this is already a source of embarassment for the school, she should see the humiliating passing rates at the NLE or the tag of "labayanan sa mga bagsak" attained by DDC...And what "lesson" is she yakking about? All I've learned from this incident is to stay away from the admin and that many of the school staff are shallow, condescending and utterly obnoxious.]
Sec: Mabuti naman at maganda ang tanggap mo sa criticisms. Let this be a lesson ha.
Me: *continues to smile that fake smile*

I'm okay with criticisms, but I detested the way she told me about it. I swear, if there weren't any repercussions, I would have done so many nasty, inhumane things to her. If she were so great, I dare her to fill in my shoes and try to manage the school paper with my schedule. I'd like to see if she could do any better.

Thus went that unfortunate admin incident. I cooled off by eating chocolate ice cream at the mall. If I have the chance, I'd probably burn all the second issue mags just to spare me from future crap like this.

Unsent

Dear Someone,

It's been four years. Four years of running away and regretting. Four years of crying in secret. Four years of hiding. Four years of trying to forget. Four years of denial.

But no more. Four years is too long. I have to move on.

The memories of all those years ago are still fresh in my mind. It has kept me from engaging in other relationships. It has made me skeptical. It has turned me cold, bitter. The romantic part of me has died because of that experience four years ago. But it has turned me into a more rational person. I have become stronger, braver and yet I still run away.

The past still stings. I could not face it still. Because despite the good it has given me, it also has chained me. I cannot move on. There isn't a day that I have not thought of what could have been if I had not been so foolish. Maybe if I made better decisions, if I did not entertain such childish follies, then perhaps I could have attained my dream of graduating at the most prestigious state university in the country in the course I have always wanted. But we cannot turn back time. And I cannot undo what has already been done.

You do not know how much it hurts every time I think of what I left behind. All you think is yourself, how you could keep me caged so you could be happy. Your "love" is not love at all but an obsession. But you don't know that. You are selfish. I have left friends, classmates and my dreams behind because of what you did. But you don't know that. You are so wrapped up in your own emotions, your needs that you failed to realize you are already hurting other people.

December is supposed to be the time of celebration, but every time it rolls around, I cannot help but think about what happened. You did not have to get my family involved. It was supposed to be a matter between the two of us. But you are a coward, and you chose the cowardly, conniving way. That was the saddest Christmas I had. Did you even know that I wanted to die that Christmas Eve? Of course you didn't. All that matters to you is yourself.

Because of you, I no longer believe in stuff like true love, lasting relationships and happily ever after. You have taught me the grim reality of what relationships could be like. You have shattered my high school fantasies on romance and replaced it with fear and dread.

That's why I prefer to be single, and remain single. I do not want it to happen again. It's an experience I do not want to repeat.

You know, I have blamed you all along but I have come to realize that I too am partly to blame. I am not as emotional or as sweet as you would have wanted. I lose my temper easily. I am moody. I stand up to you when you tell me not to go near a boy. But still, what you did was unjustifiable. I did not deserve that. Nobody deserved that. You do not instill fear and blackmail just to get what you want.

But thanks to you and what you did, I have found a greater appreciation of life. I have learned to appreciate and love my family more, cherish my friends more, lower my pride and keep everything else in stride. The experience has left me broken but I am picking up the pieces. It has humbled me, so now I am thankful for all the blessings God given to me and to everyone I love. I want to thank you for that.

I sometimes wonder how you are doing. Whether you are successful or miserable, in a relationship or alone. I hate you still, I will admit. What you did to me and my family will never be forgotten. But, at least, time has a way of easing the pain.

Four years is enough. Life must move on. I have to move on.

I am happy now. And I hope it stays that way.

Aaachoooo!

It sucks to get sick.

Your throat gets all scratchy and sore. Your voice changes. You cough up yellow-greenish sputum (ew, was that too much unnecessary detail?). You feel feverish but your body temperature is normal. You feel like going to sleep but you can't. In short, when have a cold, you feel like crap. By tomorrow, I'll probably have both a cold and cough by the looks of it. Oh, joy.

Who would have thought that a virus, which is virtually a nonliving thing outside the human body, could do so much damage?

Since the common cold is self-limiting (it being a virus and all), there's nothing left to do but wait, drink lots of water and juice, and entertain myself with TV and internet. It's not so bad, when you think about it. I just feel like crap, that's all.

Stupid cold. *mutters a few more incoherent profanities while sipping juice*

The Filipino Facade

"There is a quality even meaner than outright ugliness or disorder, and this meaner quality is the dishonest mask of pretended order..."

- Jane Jacobs

I don't know about other cultures, but Filipinos are very concerned on how they are viewed by other people. You see, Pinoys are very particular about maintaining a respectable, immaculate public image. Most families, especially those traditional ones, are very keen on this aspect and will go to great lengths to maintain that public image of a model family and an ideal home. Filipinos, you see, have this "hiya" (shame). The opinions of neighbors, relatives and other people matter so much that sometimes even personal happiness is put in the line just to maintain that outward appearance of perfection.

My group mate, Ate Marj, just happens to be one of those people.

Before, I viewed Ate Marj as having the perfect family with a loving, caring husband and wonderful children. Her husband had four children from his previous marriage. So in addition to their four children, Ate Marj also has four stepchildren to take care of. Regardless, her stepchildren and biological kids love her. Her stepchildren are all successful, each with jobs in Manila or Davao. Her own biological children are her source of pride, and she never reports any problems with them. When we come over to her place for school projects (since they have a big house), she and her husband are always sweet. They seem so happy and content with each others' company.

It was only a few months ago when I realized things were not as perfect as they appeared to be. Ate Marj wasn't really happy. She may smile and give off that air that everything was fine and in order, but in reality, her home life was far from it.

For starters, her husband is a bum. He doesn't have any work, which is rather surprising since he has 8 children all in all. So where do they get all the money? Ate Marj's family in the US provides them with their expenses. Ate Marj narrated (when her guard was down) that her husband has never even bothered to find work. He has engaged in different small-time businesses, all of which never really took off because his lack of management and eventual lack of interest. All he does is sit around the house, watch TV or play with their pet dogs. He does not even cook, do the laundry or even do the most menial household chores. Ate Marj, after coming home from school or duty, does all of this.

This piece of information really made my blood boil. How could a husband be so irresponsible? With so many mouths to feed, doesn't he even feel ashamed or guilty that he could not even provide for his family? But with Ate Marj's story, I highly doubt it. This is a man who has gotten so used at manipulating people that he isn't even the slightest bit guilty of not having a job or helping out at home.

Honestly, when I heard this, I wanted to march over and punch her bastard of a husband senseless. But at the same time, I wondered how Ate Marj could put up with this. Why she has spent 18 or so years tolerating her husband's behavior is beyond me. She said that she had this vision of an ideal family, and she did not want other people to see the cracks in the marriage, so she continues to paint that outward appearance that there are absolutely no problems at home. Frankly, if that was my husband I would have left him a long time ago. But I guess Ate Marj wants to keep on believing that she could still attain her dream of a perfect family so she persists. And besides, she admits, it is embarassing for friends and neighbors to know. And if you're asking if her own family knows about this, yes, they do. In fact, Ate Marj's mom has been constantly telling her to leave her husband, but Ate Marj has not done so.

And if her husband isn't problem enough, one of her sons in high school is even a kleptomaniac. The problem has gotten out of hand that, at one time, when our classmate Sioti spent the night at Ate Marj, he suddenly found his wallet missing. It was later traced that it was Ate Marj's son who took it. Now this was not the only incident wherein her son's habit of taking things that did not belong to him happened. Sioti advised Ate Marj that it was time to discipline him, so this time, they took her son to the police station. It was merely a ploy to make her son learn that stealing was unacceptable. They were not really going to have him jailed, just make him realize that stealing had such consequences. Much to Ate Marj's inner pain of watching her son behind bars, her outward appearance remained stoic and resolute. At first, her son did not seem to care at all that he was being punished, but eventually he began to cry and they took him back home. I don't know if that was too harsh, but I guess you need to do something drastic once in a while if you want children to learn. Her son had to learn that stealing was not okay, that it could eventually land him in jail for real if it continued. I don't know if his case of kleptomania has persisted, though. I'm hoping it has ended there, for their sakes.

But back to Ate Marj's husband. I feel sad for Ate Marj for having such a difficult, manipulative and bum of a husband. I wonder why she could not leave him. As far as I'm concerned, he is just excess baggage on her life, leeching on her and making her miserable. But she could not leave him, she says, because she feels sorry for him. After all, if she left, where would he go? He has no work, no money and basically no one to support him if she left. His children all loathe him for being irresponsible and jobless. And then there is still that "hiya" thing going. It's embarrassing for friends and other relatives to know that she left him because all this time he was actually a bum who did not even bother to find a job to support his family; that all this time it has been she who has been keeping the family together. And besides, inasmuch as Ate Marj likes the idea of leaving him, she couldn't because she still loves him.

I can only sigh. I don't know how long Ate Marj will continue to be a masochist for a man who only uses her for his own gain. I don't know how long Ate Marj will continue to be blind to reason. Sympathy, shame, and love has trapped her in a marriage that she isn't really happy in. It's sad. I wish I could do more, but being younger than her, I doubt she would listen.

Ate Marj prays all the time. I do hope that prayer gives her the strength and the wisdom, so later on, she will be truly happy. Not simply pretend to be happy.

The good, the bad, and the PERVY

As I was reading the latest scanlation (scan + translation) of the latest chapter of Naruto today, some strange fact occurred to me. You see, the latest chapter focuses on Jiraiya, Naruto's teacher, and his past. But that's not my point (and I doubt those who don't have any inkling in anime or Naruto can relate anyway). My point is, we usually find perverted situations funny. I mean, no anime would be complete without the occasional slip-up of the main male character wherein he would accidentally see the lead female semi-naked. Or in some shows, perverted old men are usually the main staple for humor (take Ranma 1/2's Happosai or Naruto's Jiraiya).

Okay, back to Jiraiya. Like most perverted old men in anime, he spends his leisure time trying to sneak a peek at women bathing or trying to cop a feel at the cutest or sexiest lady that passes him by. It's really funny to watch how he tries, and fails, to achieve his goal. However, in real life, I doubt women would actually find it funny if somebody tried to harass them. But when we watch in comedy shows, or anime in my case, it's actually hilarious.

I'm no authority on moral matters, but I actually find something very curious. Why do we find green jokes and perverted men funny?

I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with sex itself. Maybe it's a way of making fun of men's preoccupation with getting laid or landing the cutest/sexiest/hottest girl; a satire you could say. Or maybe it's a case of "What ifs." Because you can hardly get away with a perverted act in real life, then it's perhaps better to put fictional characters into uncompromising situations instead and enjoy the mayhem that will ensue afterwards. Or maybe it's the fascination with sex, and green jokes and funny perverted men are a way of trying to get the idea of sex and sexuality across without offending anyone. I mean, when you let something slide as humor, people don't have to take it too seriously and you are safe from lawsuits and public condemnation.

Hmm. Thinking of all of those possible theories is starting to make my head hurt. Well, moving on...

But whatever the case, you've got to admit, perverted men and perverted scenes in anime make these shows ten times funnier. Who wouldn't find it funny?It's fun to see perverts get their just desserts by getting pummeled, punched into oblivion and pelted with every imaginable hard object out there. And with all the nosebleeds, exaggerated expressions and unbelievable situations, who wouldn't fall off from their chair from laughter? Er, well, probably except if you are one of those people who faint, feel scandalized or go into mad fits just from simply hearing the word "boobs"...

As for me, I'll continue watching anime. And I'll continue laughing my ass off from all the good, bad and pervy situations that come with each episode.

Where have all the good boys gone?

While I was going home this morning from NOC duty, my thoughts began to wander on some strange fact (and believe me, if you sorely lack sleep like I did, you'd be wondering about the most mundane things too). I'm no homophobe or anything, but it's rather disappointing that most boys (or men) that I find handsome are well...gay. I don't know if this is some strange phenomenon, or Mother Nature is simply trying to be funny, but these days the attractive, nice, boyfriend-material guys I find are always gay or bisexual. Why is that?

Do I have a thing for gays or bisexuals? Uh, no. Definitely not. I'm straight, thanks.

But really though, it boggles the mind why the more good looking half of the male population are homosexuals or bisexuals. It's disheartening for females. And I know I'm not the only one with that sentiment. With all the great-looking males being queer and everything, all it leaves for Adam's race are pig-headed, horny, un-gentleman creatures who are as interesting or as romantic as toadstools. In other words, nature conspired and decided that those with attractive genes keep these genes to themselves and let females suffer the torture of meeting straight guys who are nowhere near their standards of "Dr. McDreamy." It's a cruel world for ladies.

With my rant, you might be starting to think that I am a man-hater. I once was, I admit. But that was a few years ago, and today I do hold a high respect for a limited number of gentlemen (and that is a very limited number). For me, most of the male straight population are total dorks whose only interest is trying to get into the pants of sexy, buxom, scantily-clad females who have no substance to speak of whatsoever. And majority of these guys don't even have the looks or sex appeal worth boasting of and yet act like they are the best thing to ever happen to females. Paaathetic...

Ah, but returning to the topic. Realy, some of the best looking guys out there are queer. It's a waste, really. But it's not like we can do anything about it. So for those ladies looking for their ultimate guy, they will be sorely disappointed at the lack of choices (if there are any feasible choices at all). They are left with two options: a.) Lower their standards and just stick it up with a guy who is "pretty okay" or "bearable", or b.) Stay single. I chose 'b' and believe me, it's the better choice. You won't regret it.

Crime and Consequences

Indeed, with every action comes an equal but opposite reaction.

Our group has been pretty busy, trying to cram the case presentations (CPs) we were supposed to make for the entire semester down into just a few days. If it weren't for the fact that we would not be cleared to take the final exams if we didn't pass all six CPs, no one in our group would probably be working their butts right now. Haha. Ironic, really, considering during the semester we tried to avoid telling our CIs when it was CP week just to avoid making and passing CPs.

They are a hassle. My mom tells me the CPs we were supposed to make are useless. I am tempted to agree. I mean, in a group of ten, only half of the people actually do the work. The rest of the group are, well, "props." Most only rely on the industrious or smart group mates and this is where you see student parasitism in all its glory. In UPMin, I don't recall any incidents of this going on (maybe because we were very rarely grouped together there and besides, UP studes want to earn good grades so they do their share of the work). In Davao Doc, on the other hand, lots of students, being practically academic average Joes (or even less, sometimes) have learned to get by through leeching on to people whom they know will work to earn a high grade. It's annoying. But I guess that's what you get when you enroll in a private school that puts more emphasis on looking good than actually doing good.

Add to this CP cramming thing, there is also this problem with Ate Marj. She is one of our group mates, who, by sheer bad luck, is currently in the hot seat. She had been absent during the afternoon of our first day of 911 training. Our CI found out and he has been breathing down her neck ever since. It got to the point that Ate Marj became too afraid to come to during the second and third day of training in fear that our CI would humiliate her in front of three sections (we were three sections all in all being trained). And now, like some drawn-out drama, our supervisor is asking for a letter from someone in class who had "witnessed" that Ate Marj indeed suffered from hypertension that morning, leading to her absence in the afternoon.

Now this would have been the best way to close this chapter on the Ate-Marj-going-AWOL-during-911-training but there is a big problem: how do you prove that she actually had high blood pressure that morning? No one checked her BP. And she even informed Ate Lily that she was going home that day because her period was unusually heavy (not related to increased BP, now, is it?) Jazz, my other groupmate, told me that Ate Marj said she was not feeling well that lunchtime, probably due to her hypertension acting up. With this two opposing stories, I am not really sure if Ate Marj's reason for skipping the afternoon lectures was indeed due to a sudden surge in her BP. But I'll give her the benefit of the doubt anyway. And if that wasn't enough, when Ate Marj was called by the supervisor and Sir CI, Sir CI said 17 of her "close friends" verified that Ate Marj was habitually absent during classes, meaning her absence in 911 wasn't the first time she skipped class. Now, I do agree that Ate Marj does tend to skip classes (and me and my group were rather impressed how she never managed to get caught...until now that is) but I doubt 17 people "close" to her would actually leak this out to any CI. I mean, if this people were really "close" to her as Sir CI said, I doubt they'd rat her out. And I don't think Ate Marj has that many "close friends" in class to begin with. It leads me to believe that Sir CI may be stretching the truth on that one just a bit. I do think he interviewed one or two people in class, but I doubt he actually asked 17.

But really, this whole problem with Ate Marj skipping the 911 session would not have been blown out of proportion had she asked permission from sir that she go home because she was not feeling well. Had she asked and not gone home with telling any CI, maybe she wouldn't be in such deep trouble at the moment. And Sir CI, being somewhat stubborn, also has a bad habit of being tactless at times so it was understandable why Ate Marj decided to skip the entire 3 days training all together.

I didn't know there would be this much drama before the semester officially ends.

Anatomy of a Disaster

We had our 911 a.k.a Emergency/Disaster Training last week. It may have been almost a week after the said event but I still have the horrible bruises on my arms and knees to attest to the rigorous training that took place. The inside of my arms still have dark bruises from the lifting we did as part of the victim evacuation training. My knees still show hematoma from all those kneeling from practicing CPR. The immaculate white shirt I wore during training had been stained by catsup, which was used as "blood" during our simulation of mass casualty incidents.

It was fun, painful but fun. However, I doubt I'd want to become a medical technician or an emergency room nurse. Why? My grades in the whole thing were just...awful. I was probably one of those who got the lowest score. *Sigh* I was pathetic at CPR (because the senior trainer said my "form" was incorrect but did not even bother to tell me what the right positioning was, damn it). I can hardly remember any of the bandaging techniques taught (which were like, i dunno, about 20 to 25 all in all) in a matter of 2 hours. I hardly even had answers on the enumeration part of our written exam. Well, so much for that. I think someone out there is telling me that emergency nursing or anything related to first aid isn't really my forte. But I guess you can't be good in everything. I just plain suck at it, which when I think about it...well...sucks (wow, I certainly have a wide vocabulary, don't I?)

But at least that's over. It's time to move on to this week's duty: ER NOC (11 pm to 3 am). Wee. I am so excited (can you just feel the sarcasm radiating in waves there?). Haha.