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Dear Someone,

It's been four years. Four years of running away and regretting. Four years of crying in secret. Four years of hiding. Four years of trying to forget. Four years of denial.

But no more. Four years is too long. I have to move on.

The memories of all those years ago are still fresh in my mind. It has kept me from engaging in other relationships. It has made me skeptical. It has turned me cold, bitter. The romantic part of me has died because of that experience four years ago. But it has turned me into a more rational person. I have become stronger, braver and yet I still run away.

The past still stings. I could not face it still. Because despite the good it has given me, it also has chained me. I cannot move on. There isn't a day that I have not thought of what could have been if I had not been so foolish. Maybe if I made better decisions, if I did not entertain such childish follies, then perhaps I could have attained my dream of graduating at the most prestigious state university in the country in the course I have always wanted. But we cannot turn back time. And I cannot undo what has already been done.

You do not know how much it hurts every time I think of what I left behind. All you think is yourself, how you could keep me caged so you could be happy. Your "love" is not love at all but an obsession. But you don't know that. You are selfish. I have left friends, classmates and my dreams behind because of what you did. But you don't know that. You are so wrapped up in your own emotions, your needs that you failed to realize you are already hurting other people.

December is supposed to be the time of celebration, but every time it rolls around, I cannot help but think about what happened. You did not have to get my family involved. It was supposed to be a matter between the two of us. But you are a coward, and you chose the cowardly, conniving way. That was the saddest Christmas I had. Did you even know that I wanted to die that Christmas Eve? Of course you didn't. All that matters to you is yourself.

Because of you, I no longer believe in stuff like true love, lasting relationships and happily ever after. You have taught me the grim reality of what relationships could be like. You have shattered my high school fantasies on romance and replaced it with fear and dread.

That's why I prefer to be single, and remain single. I do not want it to happen again. It's an experience I do not want to repeat.

You know, I have blamed you all along but I have come to realize that I too am partly to blame. I am not as emotional or as sweet as you would have wanted. I lose my temper easily. I am moody. I stand up to you when you tell me not to go near a boy. But still, what you did was unjustifiable. I did not deserve that. Nobody deserved that. You do not instill fear and blackmail just to get what you want.

But thanks to you and what you did, I have found a greater appreciation of life. I have learned to appreciate and love my family more, cherish my friends more, lower my pride and keep everything else in stride. The experience has left me broken but I am picking up the pieces. It has humbled me, so now I am thankful for all the blessings God given to me and to everyone I love. I want to thank you for that.

I sometimes wonder how you are doing. Whether you are successful or miserable, in a relationship or alone. I hate you still, I will admit. What you did to me and my family will never be forgotten. But, at least, time has a way of easing the pain.

Four years is enough. Life must move on. I have to move on.

I am happy now. And I hope it stays that way.